Has Anyone Seen My Sex Life?
It’s normal for your washing machine to get more action than you, right?
I wake up, bleary-eyed. It’s been two years, six months and three hours since I last shaved my legs, and the llama-patterned knickers I’m wearing have seen better days. We have seven minutes before the kids wake up, and my husband shuffles closer. ‘Ouch,’ he says, a piece of Lego sticking into his back. Then, a light comes on in the landing. Small footsteps creep down the stairs. A little voice screams, ‘IS SOMEONE COMING TO MAKE BREAKFAST?!’ All hopes of having some ‘alone time’ is replaced with wondering if we’ve run out of Cheerios, thinking about the overflowing laundry, and remembering that I forgot to take out the recycling. Again.
Just a typical Monday morning for the Morton family…
Except today, when I go downstairs in my dressing gown, I find something. Something belonging to my husband. Something that definitely wasn’t mentioned in the wedding vows. And it’s either going to make us… or break us.
An utterly hilarious and unmissable novel for anyone who has ever felt like they spend more time washing the dishes than getting lucky.