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#2: The Kids

So, post #2 starts here. I'm going to hit the ground running here and flood this blog with a bit of what to expect. In short, these blogs will be a series of random musings about me and my life. There’ll be some stuff about writing but I think 99% of the time, I’ll post funny memes featuring monkeys, random e-cards that sum up my day or quote things my kids have said.

So the kids. They are 90% of my day, my life and chances are you'll hear a lot about them. The fact is though, I’ve thought long and hard about affording them some level of anonymity. They are a bit mental my lot and I’m looking forward to introducing them to the world... but the truth is they are also shy and not overly fond of the spotlight. So there’ll be pics like this…

(kid on the right is mine; one on the left isn't...)

And I also won’t mention them by name. But therein lies a dilemma….do they become numbers? Initials? Cutesy baby nicknames? No. There is only one solution. They will all become Games of Thrones characters. For those of you who don't watch Game of Thrones - this gives you the perfect excuse to binge watch it now and for this to have a frame of reference.

So #1 son is Jon Snow. He was born out of wedlock, ‘nuff said. But he’s a lot like the good ol’ Lord Commander. He’s a very loyal, straight-down-the-line kinda kid. He believes in justice, bygones and everyone just getting on. He’s independent, an adventurer. God help me though if he comes home with some gobby, flame-haired Northern bird. I’ll chase her out the door.

(You've chewed through another school sweatshirt and lost another football. These things give Mummy Cersei-style rage.)

#2 is my Arya. She’s a smart cookie this one. She doesn’t suffer fools and is a bit of a Daddy’s girl. Don’t tell her the boys are the stronger sex – oooh, don’t do that because she will come back tenfold and show you that she can do everything the boys do and most likely do it better. She loves learning new things and picks them up crazy quick. One day she will break balls… and hearts.

#3 boy is The Hound. He’s a bit of a dude this one. He’s definitely not cruel. But he’s a bit of a silent brute, a fan of monosyllabics – the sort you’d definitely want in your gang (we also call him Hulk…) You must feed him. Else he gets very angry. And the boy can eat. He could eat every chicken in the room. However, despite the silent taciturn act, you know there’s someone there who is immensely loyal, funny and likeable.

The Hound: Me! Hungry! Chicken! Drink!

Arya: There's a boy over there I don't like. Hound, go sit on him for me.

#4 is Daenerys. Our Khaleesi. Jesus, that kid rules this house. First thing is that she’s blonde – proper blonde compared to her raven-haired siblings. She's an animal lover - she'd love a dragon (better ask Daddy about that one...) She has the others at her beck and call and has her own little throne in the house that only she is allowed to sit on (not made of swords by the way, it’s from IKEA…). One day she and Arya will rule the world.

(...and an army of siblings, an explosive nappy situation and a handful of raisins...)

Aaaah, my little gang of Game of Thrones babies. So the husband…well, he’s Nick and he surrendered all rights to anonymity when he married me. I’m sure it’s in the vows. He was born in Sheffield and even sounds like Sean Bean so he will always be Ned Stark - the King of the North. We also have a dog/direwolf called Barney. He wouldn’t hurt a fly but he’s very good at eating shoes.

And so, where does that leave me? Well, I left it to the internet to decide this. I have answered a substantial amount of random internet quizzes and the general consensus is that I am a cross between Sansa, Brienne of Tarth and Margaery Tyrell. Take from that what you will.

For now, look forward to posts about how Jon Snow is harassing me about joining Xbox Live and how Khaleesi has developed a strange fascination with the Clangers. For parenthood is dark and full of terrors…

#kids #GameofThrones